Disgust to myself

Why do I live? How do I live?
Tell me...

Flower that blooms in desert,It seems to wither at once.
When it is not such a place....

I want to vanish me.
I wanna run away...
But, I do not know how to set me free to walk. My heart cries out feel pain...

How long have I been telling a lie to me. How long have I been concealed myself.
Can not go back.
I do not know place to go back...

If it is dream someone wake up me now.
If it is all real....kill me before I hurt someone.